Under Construction

After doing that last survey it dawned on me that I've lost my identity (in a way) to my kids and motherhood. Placing no fault on my babies, just circumstances. After talking to a friend about my kids & my husband who I've seen maybe 3 months in what will be two years when this deployment is over. She asked what do i do to keep sane. i said whatever the kids want to do... and drink wine. She suggested that i do something i want to do and i couldn't think of anything i like to do {for myself} That conversation rose a big question what DO i like to do? Who am i again? I certainly don't feel the same. I feel like Ive grown and matured mentally but just haven't taken steps in my new shoes as the new me. All i do is dance in my living room with the kids to Noggin shows, color with chalk outside and sporadic trips to Chuck E. Cheese or the beach. During naps i try to watch bleach or talk to Steven on the webcam. but neither are things i can do whenever i want. Bleach only comes on on Tues. and me & Steven have a 12hour time difference. With the occasional visit from Lindy and work on Saturday's, that's life. When Steven came home for 15 days of R&R he tried to pull me out of what he calls "Noggin land" so he can have his wife back. Here's my progress so far: My loving Husband got me new clothes, shoes, jewelry and a nice purse & wallet. Then i got a good book, my nails done, some really good new flavors of tea, found some new shows to watch, and downloaded new music. Im also working out my new hair care regimen. (very happy so far) I think getting the kids on a new nap/bedtime schedule should yield some added "Mom Time". I bought a new laptop so it can be more convenient to talk to Steven at any hour but that is slow to show results because im still getting used to having it. (sorry babe) im definitely a work in progress but the journey should be fun. I just want to have some direction about who i am by the time he gets home. but i am aware that i can only get so far because the finishing touches can only be placed by my husband when he gets home.