Sorry for this post

Sometimes I wonder how I allow myself to fall for something I know isnt true. I feel like a customer of some as seen on TV product. If you know your family well enough why would you allow yourself to think they've changed? I admit I am an optimist but Wow, I can really fall for it sometimes. I would like to think that I can trust and allow myself to depend on my loved ones just for a short while, but NO. I now know that I have my Husband. I have the family that I have created for myself and thats who I need to invest in. My loving husband has tried so hard to take care of me and to keep me happy and he has to be exhausted. Once again Steven I thank you. Everyone else Fuck off... Btw if you havent done anything wrong to me, dont take this personal because I clearly am not talking to you. BUT if you have hurt me in the recent past, Admit to what you've done and then Fuck off. Im tired of the pain...

Now back to the normally cheerful me. ^_^ I just needed to get this off my chest without actually arguing with anyone ^_^

Homeschool?

Last week Steven and I came up with the idea that we want to give our kids a better head start in life. So this Monday along with my new workout routine, I started a somewhat structured day for the "Big kids". Honestly I was pretty excited to bring out all my old things from when I took child development at city college. This first week has been quite an adjustment considering that my whole body is sore and I'm toting Roxy around every step of the way... Coffee anyone? But I must say It seems to be paying off. Zora is doing much better with her shapes, colors and overall communication already. And Steven is just, well... enjoying himself. He was already excelling in most areas except speech. Im enjoying spending my day in the "Classroom" with them. I feel like Im helping them and ultimately getting the break from them that I've been silently hoping for. Because at the end of the day, they seem ready to get the hell away from me. Which doesn't make feel so bad because now the feeling is mutual lol. Also they seem to appreciate when they get to watch Nick Jr. at the end of the day much more. So far it has been puzzles, Bead bracelets, and rock mosaics, to name a few. And tomorrow we're making octopuses and macaroni art along with our regularly scheduled activities. Seriously Ive got to give it to the teachers in the world. Coming up with educational yet FUN activities is no easy task. And sticking to them is no joke when you're tending to a 4 month old as well. Teaching (in this form) is hard work. But so rewarding.

Needless to say Im super excited when Steven comes home for lunch and even more so at the end of the day...

Dv6 1050-US

Dv6 1050US... Why do I know this model number by heart? Well, I researched my notebook for months before buying it. I compared it to a ton of others before I made up my mind, And It has been good to me. It helped me get through my husbands deployment and allowed me to comfortably earn some college credits through my last pregnancy. Now I find myself without it for what has been the longest 38 days ever. All because I tried to "save" it from a fall, grabbed it wrong and cracked the screen... SMH... This experience has helped me to understand A few things about myself

1. I am addicted to the Internet. And not just Facebook, but the whole net. Its much better and helpful than TV. And if there is anything you watch on TV 99.999 % if the time its online too.
2. I miss San Diego really bad
3. I really think that some of these movies about people going too far with technology may actually come true in the near future.
4. I NEED an ipod touch.
5. I will MOST DEF be renewing my service contract.

Now 2 & 4 may sound a little weird but just trying to get to the FedEx location was hard. but also trying to get anything done outside of my home opened my eyes to how conveniently located everything was in SD. And if I had an ipod touch life without my notebook would be a LOT easier. I know I wouldn't be able to play my FB games on it. but I could still search he web in my bed. I would also be free of the thought "Let me try to go to every website I may need to before I go upstairs"... I will never take my notebook for granted again. I have been checking the website for updates keeping in mind that I am NOT their only customer. This is the info I have so far.

Work Order History Date Status Notes 5/6/2010 4:12:34 PM Parts Ordered A part(s) has been ordered for this unit. 5/6/2010 4:10:40 PM Parts Ordered A part(s) has been ordered for this unit. 4/15/2010 8:07:06 AM Repair Your unit has been assigned to a technician for repairs. 4/15/2010 8:07:06 AM Quote Approved Quote Approved 4/15/2010 8:07:02 AM Quote Completed A repair estimate has been prepared for your unit. 4/14/2010 10:29:13 AM Diagnose Your unit has been assigned to a technician for diagnose. 4/14/2010 9:34:01 AM Unit Received This unit has been received.

LONG time no see...

Well sometime between the "What does the future have..." and the "Twilight saga" posts I became pregnant :) Almost a whole year and much madness later, I am now the proud mother of three children. Steven, Zora and Roxy. Now I'm not only adjusting to life in upstate NY, but also to having three munchkins to look after. Through the whole pregnancy I hoped for a boy who I intended on naming Benjamin. But I was absolutely blessed with Miss Roxy. She looks so much like Zora its crazy and so far they act the same. I'm convinced she will allow my husband to see what he missed with Zora while he was in Iraq. At this point I am completely smitten with my family. From my husband to youngest child I am constantly provided with reasons to smile each day. This has has become that moment where I feel like I have made the right choices so far. I have plans for myself for the future and I intend on keeping you updated. Wish me luck.

Twilight Saga

So i have just read the last book in the series. its as glad as is am to say I've completed the set I'm so sad that i wont be spending anymore time with Bella and the Cullen family. to some it up in a few words id say it was my personal transportation to another world. At times i found myself laughing out loud, crying, and stumbling over words trying to read so fast so i could see what happens next. it was funny at times to see how these books could have my heart racing. needless to say. i really enjoyed them. So now I'm off to call my aunt to get some recommendations she has for me...

What does the Future have in store for me??

Life is so crazy and can be so cold. i dont think its safe to be so sure about anything because as soon as you do you get SLAPPED in the face with the reality of how uncertain everything is. and i mean SLAPPED hard! It seems like the duration of any ones life is just a test of strength and faith. its so hard at times. but i guess you'll never know how strong you are until youre tested or what you will be able to or will choose to deal with. Pass the test and add a notch on your belt, fail and be subjected to an emotional explosion. so i guess its cool either way as long as you learn a lesson about yourself when its all said and done. But as of late it has been test after test for me and im losing my mind. I wouldnt mind it so much if i had a break in between. but its all piling up on me. and I dont want to keep going if none of my hard work pays off. hell i might as well be average and just put in 55% like everybody else. Cuz thats all i get credit for. Its just scary when you notice your fuse has been lit but you have no idea how long its been burning or how close the bomb is. i hope i can survive this explosion

Under Construction

After doing that last survey it dawned on me that I've lost my identity (in a way) to my kids and motherhood. Placing no fault on my babies, just circumstances. After talking to a friend about my kids & my husband who I've seen maybe 3 months in what will be two years when this deployment is over. She asked what do i do to keep sane. i said whatever the kids want to do... and drink wine. She suggested that i do something i want to do and i couldn't think of anything i like to do {for myself} That conversation rose a big question what DO i like to do? Who am i again? I certainly don't feel the same. I feel like Ive grown and matured mentally but just haven't taken steps in my new shoes as the new me. All i do is dance in my living room with the kids to Noggin shows, color with chalk outside and sporadic trips to Chuck E. Cheese or the beach. During naps i try to watch bleach or talk to Steven on the webcam. but neither are things i can do whenever i want. Bleach only comes on on Tues. and me & Steven have a 12hour time difference. With the occasional visit from Lindy and work on Saturday's, that's life. When Steven came home for 15 days of R&R he tried to pull me out of what he calls "Noggin land" so he can have his wife back. Here's my progress so far: My loving Husband got me new clothes, shoes, jewelry and a nice purse & wallet. Then i got a good book, my nails done, some really good new flavors of tea, found some new shows to watch, and downloaded new music. Im also working out my new hair care regimen. (very happy so far) I think getting the kids on a new nap/bedtime schedule should yield some added "Mom Time". I bought a new laptop so it can be more convenient to talk to Steven at any hour but that is slow to show results because im still getting used to having it. (sorry babe) im definitely a work in progress but the journey should be fun. I just want to have some direction about who i am by the time he gets home. but i am aware that i can only get so far because the finishing touches can only be placed by my husband when he gets home.